Making Memories

“David, did you stop by the store on the way home from work like I asked?”
“Yep, I got some Cinnamon Toast Crunch, a thing of milk, one of those smelly candles, and some Reese’s Cups.”
“Did you get Cokes and water for the trip?”
“No, I forgot. But I also picked up some cool new toilet brushes.”
“How does your brain work? I send you to the store to get Cokes and water, and you come home with kids’ cereal, a candle, and toilet brushes.”
“And a can of silicone lubricant.”
“What do you need that for?”
“What don’t I need it for?? This stuff has a thousand-and-one uses.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know yet -lubing stuff – but when I figure it out, I’ll have a can ready to use.”
“See? This is what I’m talking about. I’m trying to plan for vacation, and you’re off in Dave World.”
“Well, the candle and the Reese’s were for you.”
“I don’t need a candle! I need Cokes and water to pack in the cooler.”
“What about the Reese’s?”
“The Reese’s are fine.”
“… because I could take them back when I go get the Cokes and water.”
“No, that’s okay. Just put them in the fridge so they get cold.”
“Mmm hmm.”
“Will you just please make sure you get Cokes and water the next time you’re at the store?”
“I promise I will get right on that. You know, you worry too much.”
“I HAVE to. You don’t worry about ANYTHING. You’re all laid back assuming everything will take care of itself.” (Dave voice): ‘Now, Diana, worrying isn’t going to fix anything. You’re just going to make yourself upset, raise your blood pressure, and get an ulcer, huh, huh, huh.’”
“Which is true. They’ve done several studies that show…”
“No! No, it’s not! Worrying makes things go right Worrying makes people stick to the plan. Worrying makes sure we don’t forget something. I want this to be a nice visit. I want everything planned out: the food, the activities, the trip to the water park. I want everyone to get along and be happy. WE’RE MAKING MEMORIES, DAMMIT!”

At that point, Diana was breathing hard and staring at me with an expression that somehow managed exasperation, sadness, and homicidal rage all at the same time.

“We should have that put on T-shirts for everyone.”
“Porter Family Reunion: WE’RE MAKING MEMORIES, DAMMIT!”

Diana started to laugh, which actually made her even angrier, because she hates laughing when she’s trying to be upset with me.

“I really wish I could stay mad at you.”
“I’m really glad you can’t.”
“Will you please just try to focus and help me out so everything goes okay.”
“I will. But any time you get all wound up and stabby during the trip, I’m going to lean over and whisper in your ear.”
“Whisper what?”
“Stop worrying. We’re making memories, dammit!”
“… that’s going to make me more stabby.”
“Then I’ll just yell it from a safe distance.”


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