Spirit of Giving

I was sitting on the couch, new laptop in lap, ear buds in ears, and a BBC documentary in eyeballs, when I noticed Diana looking at me. Her mouth was moving.

“I said, ‘how do you like your new laptop?'”
“Look, Darling, I know the only reason you got it for me was so that I would stay in the same room with you and your Hallmark Christmas movies instead of disappearing into the basement to use the desktop computer.”
“Was that a ‘thank you?'”
“Kind of. But in a way, it was a selfish gift.”
“How was it selfish?”
“You know full well that when your movies are on, I don’t exist. But when a commercial comes on, you want to talk to me… which you couldn’t do when I was on the basement computer. In fact, you’re doing it right now.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. Look, Flo is trying to get us to bundle our car and home insurance.”
“I just wanted to know if you liked your present.”
“I do, actually. In fact, I feel a little bad that you got me this and all I got you was a new kitchen trashcan.”
“Well, that’s the magic of Christmas, baby: it makes even crappy presents good.”
“Crappy? But, you said in the store…”
“So, what are you watching on your wonderful laptop that someone who really cares about you got for you?”
“It’s a documentary about how even though the people of western Britain and Ireland spoke a language with common Celtic roots to continental European Celts, they weren’t genetically related to….”
“Shhh… movie’s back on.”
“And that’s why you got a trashcan for Christmas.”
“I said, ‘I love you.'”

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